


Sweet Release

by ElizabethMarvel123



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), Iron Man - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Character Death, Depression, Drinking, Drinking to Cope, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Is tony really dead? - Freeform, Jealous Bucky, M/M, More chapters, Pain, Panic Attacks, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Romance, Spoilers, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve needs Tony, Suicide, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, i will add more - Freeform, tony is not over it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-06-07 12:13:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6803665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElizabethMarvel123/pseuds/ElizabethMarvel123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ring.</p><p>Ring.</p><p>Ring.</p><p>"Tony..." </p><p>His breathing stopped and his eyes widened at the painfully familiar sound of Steve's voice. He wasn't ready for this; how could he have thought that he was? </p><p>"Tony, are you there?"</p><p>Tony blinked a few times to try and regain himself, a lump in the back of his throat forming as he croaked out what little he could. "Y-yeah. I’m here." </p><p>Shit. Fuck. I can't do this. How could I have thought I could do this?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sweet Release

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, So I really am new to the whole writing thing so any feedback would be great.
> 
> Disclamer: I don't own any characters from the story. 
> 
> Warnings: Suicide-kinda. Alcohol abuse, Sad Tony. ect.

You would often hear a lot of negative things about Tony. Almost all of the time, depending on whom you asked of course, you would get to know who the public thought he was and not who he actually was.

‘Asshole’ from the people or paparazzi he’d chosen to ignore at one of his soiree's.

‘Billionaire’ from the many single women in New York who wanted a taste of the high life they thought he could offer them.

‘Hot-Headed’ from the agents at S.H.I.E.L.D who decided that he wasn’t good enough for the Avengers in the first place because they couldn’t control him like their own personnel. He enjoyed what freedom he had from his personal living hell.

‘Lazy’ said the Government officials that couldn’t’ agree that he could make the right choices.

‘Iron Man’ from the little children who seemed to idolize him and saw him as a superhero.

The truth was, he didn’t know much about himself either. He was narrow minded and only thought about what was happening around him when it was happening. He didn’t have time to think about who he was or what he could do, he had a world to save. That’s what he had thought anyway. The one thing that many people seemed to get wrong about Tony Stark was the fact that he was the one that needed saving.

There was only a selected handful of people that he could confide in during his life, only a few who he trusted enough with his feelings and thoughts. JARVIS and Rhodey, Banner and…Steve.

 

_Captain Steve Rodgers._

 

The name replayed in his mind like a vicious cycle a hundred times before he finally shook his head to rid himself of those thoughts. There was only one person that he could open up to about his personal life. Steve was the only one to know his inner-most thoughts, his real feelings. Steve was the only one that knew the real Tony. The one person he had shared everything with, the person he’d laugh with, cry with, spend hours on end with and still have so much to talk about.

Yet, here he was. Sat at the familiar office desk with a glass of scotch in one hand, the other grasping at the out-dated flip phone Steve had left him.

 

This was a familiar scenario for Tony after everything that had happened. He’d spent exactly 26 days and 7 hours staring at the phone. Wondering what would happen if he turned it on. What would he even say? Did Steve want to talk to him?

 

What would they talk about? How could they begin a conversation when they had almost killed each other less than a month ago.

 

Tony felt his chest begin to get heavy at the thought of the battle. His anxiety was worse than ever and those horrifying nightmares had returned. Only this time, the star of the terrifying shit show was now the man he was in love with.

He couldn't get it out of his mind, the look of determination in Steve's eyes as he almost pushed the shield down on his throat. How if Tony hadn't paused and tried his best to cover what he could, that Steve might not have changed his course and would have actually...killed him.

 

"Shit." Tony dropped the alcohol back on the table and threw the phone back inside the drawer. Getting up, he stumbled away from the desk towards the wall. "S-shit." He gasped for air, his hands gripped at his chest as he began one of his regular panic attacks. "FRIDAY." He called, "O-office lock down."

His breathing grew heavier as he leant his head back against the wall, his eyes closed as he tried his best to scrabble for air.

How could he let himself get here again? How could he allow himself to become this mess all over again?

 

Concentrating his thoughts on his surroundings, Tony slowly began to catch his breath and was able to allow a sharp intake of air. "Fuck you..." He muttered through gritted teeth, "fuck you Steve."

 

Tony hadn't noticed, but he was crying. Slowly, he sunk down onto his knees and allowed a broken sob to escape. He covered his mouth as he began to break down, his broken-hearted sobbing grew louder with every thought of the man. He missed Steve. He hated Steve. He needed Steve. The sharp pain in his chest that had been there for weeks grew worse with the drowning thoughts of the man. Tony covered his ears as he tried his best to take control again, to get himself back to what people saw as his 'being okay'. "Get it together, Stark." He grunted.

 

The hurt he'd been feeling over Steve had soon subsided as his thoughts shifted. His mind flooding with images of Bucky Barnes. The man who murdered his parents. The man responsible for the death of his mother. He hated Bucky with every ounce of himself and yet, that was the thing the love of his life was fighting for. Tony lulled his head forward as he replayed scenes in his head from the fight.

 

_Steve knew._

_Steve knew about his parents but didn't say anything._

_Steve protected that murderer_ , the one responsible for making Tony an _orphan._

 

"Howar- my father was wrong about you. You kept that hidden from me. He fucking trusted you. You fucking coward-"

 

"Sir, Agent Romanoff is here to see you. Shall I grant her access?"

 

Tony wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, his eyes incredibly red and puffy from the amount of crying he'd done over the past few days. His shirt stained with the alcohol he'd been drinking all day. He stood up and walked towards the desk and put the letter away with the phone and locked it up. This was a secret he was dealing with. He had to deal with this on his own. He didn't need anyone’s help, he could do this, he had to do this on his own.

 

"Send her in." He called out.

 

____________________________

 

"Tony, you have to eat something. You stink of alcohol and look like hell."

Tony pursed his lips and turned towards the red-head, running a hand through his own brown locks slowly. "It's nice to see you too, Romanoff."

 

"Tony, this isn't a joke. You need help but won't let anyone help you. Banner has been here four times and each time you've not opened the doors. I've been here twice. For godsakes, even Thor has shown up to check on you." Romanoff had a way of speaking, she didn't need to raise her voice in order to sound demanding. She didn't need to yell or shout to make herself sound assertive and angry. It was, to a lot of people, frightening but the quality Tony had liked most about her.

 

"I've been busy." He muttered, lifting the glass of scotch back to his lips. Downing the remaining contents from the glass.

 

"Come on, you can't be serious. We haven't seen you in weeks, Stark." Tony narrowed his bloodshot eyes at the women and leant back against the wall, his eyes lowering quickly. "Natasha, I'm trying to process everything. I don't know how else to fix what's happened other than to be here, in my own space, surrounding by what I know best. I tinker, okay? Tinkering is what I do. I have to fix something because fixing the Avengers is out of the question." He began.

 

"I don't know how to fix it. I don't know what I'm doing anymore, my whole life I've been surrounded by people. Pepper, Happy, you, the team. I've had you guys there but without Steve..." Tony paused, he didn't realize that he'd cracked once again. His cheeks stained with fresh tears with the thought of the man that both haunted his nightmares but held his heart. He took a moment to try and regain himself, talking in a choked voice. "Steve was my everything. The first person in my life to make me feel wanted. Like I wasn't being used or that I wasn't needed for my services just because I was Iron Man. He wanted me, the broken asshole that no one liked." He cried.

 

"And now he's gone..." He whispered between sobs, covering his face with his arm. Romanoff was frozen still for a moment as she assessed just how broken the male in front of her was. She bit down on her bottom lip and walked towards the male, "Tony..." She mumbled before allowing her arms to snake around Stark, embracing him tightly as she let him sob on her shoulder.

 

_"We will figure this out."_

 

Tony held the female close, his emotions getting the better of him as he sobbed loudly onto the women's shoulder. Her words rolling around in his mind as he tried to figure out how this could be fixed. "Come on, let's get you to bed." She muttered quietly, helping the alcohol-induced male towards his bedroom.

 

_________________________________

 

Tony awoke in his bed in the middle on the night. his head pounding with the regret of all the drinking he'd done only a few hours ago. A thought he'd recently gotten used to thinking every time he had woken up. He leant over sluggishly to check the time on his phone and groaned as it read 2:46AM.

"Fucking hell." He muttered, sitting up whilst rubbing at his temples. He opened his eyes slowly and scanned the dark room, a sigh passing his lips at how empty it had felt in here. Climbing out of bed, Tony made his way towards the kitchen. He grabbed what was left of the beer in his fridge and scrambled for the trusty scotch bottle on the table. He popped the cap on one of the beers and began to drink, the warm sting of the dull drink slowly sliding its way down his throat. He began to make his way towards the landing pad, five bottles of beer guzzled down to comfort the shit feeling he had brewing inside of him. His hand grasped at what was left in the bottle of scotch, stumbling down the hall towards the bedroom. Beginning to walk past his office he stopped and looked inside, narrowing his gaze towards the desk that contained his own form of communication with Steve. He couldn't explain what he was feeling. He didn't know why but making the call was something he felt he needed to do, and he had to do it right now.

 

 

Fiddling with the black phone, he turned it on and scrolled through the phone until he came across the only contact on the device.

 

_NOMAD._

 

Tony scoffed slightly and held his finger over the green button. Hovering there for a moment as he thought about what was about to happen. He had FRIDAY try to crack the phones location, but the phone had been so incredibly encrypted that even she couldn’t track it to a specific location. He gripped onto the phone and made his way up towards the landing pad. He sat down on the edge and let his feet dangle over the side, the night air cooling him down as he enjoyed the soft breeze that ran through his hair. He gazed down at the phone and held the bottle to his lips, chugging down the contents whilst contemplating on whether to call the number or not. "

 

Do it, Tony." He muttered to himself, hesitantly dialing the number.

 

_Ring._

 

_Ring._

 

_Ring._

 

"Tony..."

 

His breathing stopped, his eyes widening at the familiar sound of Steve's voice. He wasn't ready for this; how could he ever have thought that he was?

 

"Tony, are you there?" Tony blinked a few times to try and regain himself, a lump in the back of his throat forming as he croaked out what little he could. "Y-yeah. I’m here."

 

_Shit. Fuck. I can't do this. How could I have thought I could do this?_

 

"I was wondering when you would call. Is everything okay?” He heard the male ask on the other end of the phone receiver.

 

No. Nothing was alright. Nothing will be alright again. You chose Bucky over your friends, your family...you chose him over me. You left me behind. You abandoned me.

 

“Peachy.” He croaked quietly, trying to sound as stern as he could.

 

The silence on the phone felt like forever as the two males stayed quiet, both not knowing what to say. Tony lulled his head down towards his lap and gripped the bottle, the other holding the phone up against his ear. A soft but audible sob managing to escape his lips.

 

“Tony...a-are you crying?”

 

He didn’t say anything at first. Tony was trying to think of the perfect thing to say, he was trying to come up with the perfect comeback to make it sound as though everything was actually alright. That he wasn’t crying, that Steve had misheard that. Instead, he found himself sobbing quietly and uncontrollably. The sound of Steve’s voice had caused the open wound he still had to ache, his chest heavier than ever as he couldn't control the warm tears that spilled from his eyes.

 

“I’m not okay, S-Steve. I’m lost. I don’t know what I’m meant to do when everything around me, everything that I see and everyone that I speak to reminds me of you. For god sakes, I mean your clothes are still folded up in my fucking bedroom where you left them.” He whispered, “How am I supposed to be okay when all I c-can think about it you. I’m killing myself slowly because the only thing that helps me forget is the fucking scotch. The headaches in the morning are just another god damn painful reminder that you’re not here anymore.” Tony wiped his eyes and paused for a moment, trying his hardest to regain himself but failed. “My nightmares are back...”

 

“They’re back?” Steven mumbled. “Tony, I’m so sorry…fuck.”

 

“Only this time, they’re worse. I can’t sleep without seeing either you or Barnes trying to k-kill me. And what’s worse is when I wake up I don’t have you by my side to comfort me the way you did before. Instead, I have to try my best to not think about you almost pushing your shield through my fucking neck!” He heard himself raise his voice, his emotions taking control and getting the better of him. "I feel like I'm drowning, Steve. No one is going to save me this time...not anymore."

 

He was sobbing harder than ever this time, holding a hand over his mouth as he tried his best not to yell again because of the heavy pain in his chest.

 

“Tony, I’m so sorry.” He heard Steve say. He was lost for words. It hadn’t been until this very moment that Steve really thought about what had happened between the two. Emotions had washed over the blonde as he felt himself succumb to tears. God, how long had it been since he last cried like this? Stark was right, he had left Tony alone in New York with nothing but a measly letter and crappy phone for contact. At the time, he didn’t know what else to do. He couldn’t give up on his lover that easily and knew that Tony needed him but so did Bucky. "Tony, you know I'll always be here. What about Banner-"

 

“I can’t do this anymore, Steve. I can’t waste my life sitting in this fucking tower wondering when you’ll come back...if you’ll come back. I can’t do this anymore. It hurts. It hurts too much. I’m drinking myself to death and nothing is working anymore. I've become locked inside my own personal hell and I can't find an escape.” Tony gazed out at the view, his eyes fixated on the sun that had begun to show itself in the horizon. He downed the rest of the alcohol that he had and stood up, his eyes lighting up as he watched the sun rise.

 

“I’m going to miss this. This view.” He whispered. "Maybe...m-maybe I did find my escape."

 

Steve stopped. “Tony, what the hell are you doing?” He practically yelled down the phone, his eyes widening at the thought of Stark doing something stupid. “What do you mean you can't do this anymore? Escape? Talk to me, Tony.” He asked, his heart racing as the blond found himself scrambling for words. What was Tony doing. What the hell was Tony thinking. “Talk to me, dammit!”

 

Tony was silent on the other end of line for a while. Maybe for too long.

 

“I’m s-so sorry Steve. I love you, so much. I just wished this had ended differently…but I can’t go on like this, I just can’t do it anymore. I'm done being trapped inside this shit hole, I'm finished with all of this shit.” He muttered. "I've needed to get away from here for so long." Tony dropped the glass bottle behind him and held the phone away from his ear. He closed his eyes and stepped up onto the edge of the building, his eyes focusing on the horizon ahead of him. He leant forward and whispered, “I love you, Steve Rogers.”

 

 

_Sweet release._

 

 

“Tony! For fuck sake, Tony. Answer me. Fuck, Tony listen to me dammit. I love you, okay?” Steve was in hysterics - his chest was pounding so hard that he couldn’t breathe. What was this feeling? He didn’t know how to manage this, it hurt so fucking bad- his whole body began to ache. “Please, don’t do this, don’t do whatever stupid thing you’re thinking about doing.” He yelled. “I need you too, dammit! Tony!” he screamed down the line.

 

Steve was met with silence.

 

The line went dead.


	2. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What just happened?
> 
>  
> 
> How could Tony feel that this was the only way out?
> 
>  
> 
> How could he have not known that this wouldn’t have ended well.
> 
>  
> 
> He knew Stark better than anyone, he knew that Stark needed him. He knew all of this. He couldn’t believe this. This couldn’t be real. This had to be a dream, a really shit dream that he would wake up from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is part 1 of the second part.
> 
> More to come soon.
> 
> Enjoy!

Tony closed his eyes and felt the weight of the world suddenly disappear under his feet as he began to free fall off of the building and down into the dark and quiet streets below him. It felt good to do this, to let go of all the hurt and torment that his body had been putting him through this whole time.

 

_Freedom._

 

_This was his sweet release._

 

Tony held his arms close to his chest, cradling the stupid mobile phone close to him as he fell to what he thought would be his liberty.

 

He smiled. Something he'd not been able to do for a very long time. “How ironic” He thought, that this would be the last time he would be able to smile. Doing it whilst he was willingly falling to his death.

 

 

Tony suddenly opened his eyes as he was abruptly caught.

 

He wasn't falling anymore.

 

"What?" He asked breathlessly, feeling his eyes grow heavy as he began to slip into the abyss of unconsciousness. His body has started shutting down due to the extreme amount of stress he’d put himself through.

 

A familiar roar echoed throughout the streets, it had signalled that what Tony had planned on doing to himself wasn't going to happen tonight. He couldn't free himself from his living nightmare. He could never get a taste of his sweat release, his freedom from his personal prison that he so badly yearned for. The Hulk had burst through the windows of the Stark tower, crash landing with an unconscious Stark tucked under his large arm.  He lightly dropped the male to the floor with the rubble and glass of the smashed through building laying around the man’s unconscious frame. Hulk emitted another roar, trying to wake the male up as he had done before.

 

"Good work, Bruce." Romanoff yelled as she burst into the room, running to Tony's aid as quickly as she could. She fell to her knees and placed her ear close to the male’s chest, holding his wrist tightly to check for any sign of a pulse. Her eyes were misting up with tears as she felt hurt by the sight of her friend in such a bad state, her own heart aching at the thought of almost losing him if it weren’t for F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s alert. “Dammit, Tony…” She muttered, her eyes scanning him frantically for any other signs of injury.

 

Clint burst inside the room followed by Vision and Wanda, their eyes showing panic and distress at both their unconscious friend and the angry green machine in the room. Wanda stopped at the frame of the door, shocked at the scene that began to unravel before her. Her eyes misted over with worry and memories of her brother laying on the floor like this in Sokovia. She covered her mouth for a moment and felt unwanted tears begin to spill from her eyes. She turned away from the mess for a moment to try and compose herself, knowing that she was going into a state of shock. Tony needed her help right now, her _friends_ needed her. She had to do something.

 

"He's alive!" Natasha practically screamed. "Vision. Wanda. Get Tony to the nearest hospital, immediately." Vision darted to Tony’s side and helped the powerless male up with Wanda quickly dashing to his side to try and aid in any way she could. They held the male tightly as they began to fly out of the newly broken window of the tower and towards the nearby hospital. Romanoff turned to look at the two and nodded at Clint, signalling that she may need his help here at the tower. Her eyes suddenly flickered and became fixated on the large green man that had his fists clenched tightly in front of her. He snarled at the two humans that stood before him and hunched his back slightly, his knuckles going white as he focused on Natasha.

 

"Hey big guy..." She began, her watering eyes focusing in on Bruce's. She crouched down slightly and reached her hand out slowly. "The sun's getting real low." Hulk growled at the trigger words and cocked his head slightly, his own much larger hand reaching out to touch Natasha's. He grumbled faintly, his eyes returning to the ones that Natasha knew all too well. She slowly slid her fingers over the man’s wrist, a slightly broken smile tugging at the corner of her lips as he began to change back.

 

Hulk groaned, his body suddenly beginning to transform back to his normal state. He stumbled to the corner of the room and grasped onto the closest thing he could for support. He felt himself return to what he knew as his normal side, his breathing heavy as he frantically tried to get himself together. "A-ah…" He muttered, the ‘other guy’ burying himself back inside Bruce’s subconscious.

 

Romanoff walked towards male with a blanket and helped him sit up, wrapping the fabric over his body. "Tony..." Bruce muttered, "Where is Tony?"

 

"He's on his way to the hospital, you saved him Bruce." She spoke gently, helping the male stand up. "Let's get you some clothes and we'll head on over okay?"

 

 

* * *

 

 

Wanda sat down on the seat beside Tony's hospital bed. She had her head hung low whilst her mind became clouded with thoughts of her brother, the events in Sokovia and the almost death of Mr. Stark.

 

She didn't mind Tony Stark much now, of course she was annoyed that he tried to keep her locked up in doors after Wakanda, but she obviously cared for him. The Avengers took her in after the battle against Ultron and his army, they became her new family. She didn't have anyone, she lost her twin and with that she lost half of herself. She needed something to fight for and her new family was exactly that.

 

She was so lost in thought that she hadn't heard Bruce and Nastasha enter the room nor did she feel the hand Bruce had placed on her shoulder. "Wanda?" He asked again, his eyes scanning the young girl’s expression.

 

"Huh?" She asked, looking up at the male. "Oh. Sorry...I was just thinking about…” She paused, “I was just thinking." She nodded a little at her words and lifted a hand up to tuck some of her hair behind her ear.

 

"How is he?" Romanoff asked, sitting down on the chair closest to the door.

 

"He's alright, the doctor explained that it was a psychogenic blackout. His body went under an extreme amount of stress which caused him to black out. He should wake up soon, for now they've got him on the IV fluids. It's a waiting game, unfortunately." Vision spoke up.

 

Romanoff was quiet as she gazed down at Stark. She bit down on her bottom lip slightly and ran a hand over her face for a moment, "Jesus, Tony." She muttered, "Why didn't I stay yesterday?"

 

Clint and Vision turned upon hearing Natasha speak. "I was there with him; I saw how broken he was. I didn't expect this, though. He didn't sa-...why did I leave?" She felt her eyes cloud over again, her vision blurring as she thought about Stark. "This war has really broken our family up."

 

Vision walked towards the woman and sat down beside her. He locked his hands together and gazed down at his lap for a moment. "Natasha, this was something that nobody could have predicted." He lifted his gaze towards Tony and then back towards the crying woman beside him. "Mr. Stark has always been close to Mr. Rodger's and to have that bond taken away from you would hurt anybody that would have to endure what he's going through. I'm afraid that this war has broken the Avengers apart but that is something that over time we will have to figure out. For now, we have to focus on helping Mr. Stark recover."

 

 

* * *

 

 

Steve was in a state of pure pain; his ears began to ring with the sound of his own heart breaking. The pain he was feeling was almost indescribable. The feeling was as though someone had pushed a knife through his heart repeatedly without him being able to do anything nor stop it. His eyes were streaming with fresh tears as he gripped onto the cell phone that was still attached to his ear, his knuckles turning white. The ringing became louder as he felt his head begin to spin. "T-Tony..." He climbed out of the seat he was in and stumbled towards the window, his face becoming red as he wasn't able to catch his breath. The ringing becoming unbearable and excruciating as he tried his hardest to breathe.

 

_What just happened?_

_How could Tony feel that this was the only way out?_

_How could he have not known that this wouldn’t have ended well._

He knew Stark better than anyone, he knew that Stark needed him. He knew all of this. He couldn’t believe this. This couldn’t be real. This had to be a dream, a really shit dream that he would wake up from.

 

He wasn't aware of his friend yelling at him, questioning what was happening as he watched the blond grip his chest. "Steve, what the hell happened? Steve?" Bucky scanned the males face, watching as his eyes portrayed that of someone who'd lost the will to live. "Steve, talk to me man." Steve lost control of his body, he couldn't hold himself up anymore as he fell to his knees. He sobbed loudly, his cries full of hurt and agony as he thought about Tony. "I'm so sorry, Tony..." He whispered repeatedly. “I should have saved you…”

 

Bucky frantically tried to hold the male up, becoming anxious as he didn't know what was happening nor did he know how to help his friend.

 

"Buck..." Steve began between his sobbing, his body throbbing and trembling from the amount of emotions rushing through him. "T-Tony…he's gone. He's dead and it's because of me. I wasn’t there to help him; I could have saved him…I didn’t help him."

 

Bucky widened his eyes upon hearing the news, "What?" He couldn't believe what he had heard. "Steve, what are you talking about?" He mumbled.

"Stark...Tony...My Tony." He croaked out, "he's gone and I wasn't there to protect him. I wasn't there to help him, Buck! I don't know what to do..." Steve wept.

 

Bucky frowned as he listened to his friend.

During the war, they had lost a lot of good men and a lot of good friends but this was different. Bucky could sense how much Tony meant to him and to see his friend this way was heart-breaking. He felt a wave of guilt and regret wash through him as he tried to hold his friend up. “This wasn’t your fault, Steve...” He looked out at the jungle, “You did all of this for me…this was never your fault. It’s mine.” He closed his eyes for a moment. Bucky hadn’t begun to process his previous life as the Winter Soldier. He knew what he had done and he knew that the life he had lived was never going to change but he was sick of hearing that it wasn’t his fault. He felt responsible for every confirmed kill he’d done. He’d felt reliable for it all, including the murder of Stark’s parent’s.

 

"I can't not do anything, Buck!" Steve yelled, balling his fist up. He hit the window with force, shaking his head as he continued to cry. "I have to go back. I can't---"

 

"Go." Bucky said. "You know it's the right thing to do, Steve." He looked down at his best friend, "I know how much Stark meant to you." Bucky closed his eyes for a moment as he thought about what was happening.

 

_He had just gotten his best friend back._

He had just about found himself a _true home,_ a home that was _familiar_ to him because of _Steve._

 

Bucky couldn't handle seeing his friend like this, he couldn't finally find his way back to Steve and see him this way. "I'll talk to T'Challa." He said, standing up.

 

Steve reached out for his friend and grasped his arm.

 

“I love him, Buck…How could I have let this happen?” Steve whispered.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Natasha paced the hall outside of the ward room Tony had been placed in. She became conflicted over and over again on what she should do. She knew Steve had a right to know what happened to Tony but what if this phone was a dead end? What is she was putting all her faith into this phone for it to be nothing?

 

"I have to call him." She muttered quietly, her eyes flickering up to look through the door at Tony.

 

"Tasha." She jolted at the sudden voice and turned towards its source, letting a small chuckle pass her lips as she saw Clint. "You know it's not wise to sneak up on me, right?"

 

Barton laughed and held up a cup of coffee, "you've been out here for a few hours, I think you should stop beating yourself up and just call the number." He said, sipping at the drink in his hand.

 

"It's the right thing to do. Steve deserves to know doesn't he?" She sighed quietly to herself and gazed down at the phone.

 

Clint nodded and looked down at his friend, "We don't even know if that..." He motioned towards the device, "is even a source of contacting Rodgers." He pursed his lips slightly and looked down the hallway of the hospital ward.

 

"Only one way to know for sure." She stared down at the screen and dialled the only number on the device. She let out a shaky breath whilst lifting it up to her ear.

 

_What if this didn't work? What if Steve didn't answer?_

 

 

The ringing felt endless.

 

 

_Dammit, Steve. Please be you, please pick up._

 

 

 

"Hello?" The voice of the 95-year-old was recognisable immediately.

 

 

"T-Tony? God, Tony please be you. Hello? Tony, say something dammit. Are you okay? What happened? Talk to me!" The voice on the other end of the line yelled.

 

 

"No...no, it's Natasha." She muttered, "Steve. Listen to me, you have to come back. It's not good." She mumbled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the comments, it's meant a lot!
> 
> I had my best friend go over the story just to get a second opinion haha!
> 
> Kudos, Comments and Subscriptions are much appreciated! <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve travels to see his partner. 
> 
> Dealing with the troubles of what Tony did, see how the team try their best to help out.

 

"It's not good." Steve mumbled to himself, the loud ringing he had once heard before slowly beginning to return. It felt as though his entire world has suddenly stopped turning. As though the world around him had ceased to exist. He didn't want to know a world without Tony Stark. He just couldn't fathom the idea of living without that boasting idiot beside him every morning. It was the first thing he wanted to see each morning and the last thing he kissed before he fell asleep.

He shook his head in denial as he felt his body becoming numb, his eyes stinging with the years he'd been shedding all night.

 

"Oh my god..." He croaked out, "it's happened hasn't it? Please don't be bad news..please." Steve couldn't muster the rights words to use in a situation like this one.

He couldn't comprehend or hear what Natasha was saying, his ears rang loudly with the sound of his own heartbeat.

"Natasha, please...say something." Steve whispered quietly, his face swollen and sore from the amount of crying he had done.

"Steve, you’re not listening to me." He's not realised just how loudly his ears were ringing.

He was blocking out the world around him in order to cope with the awful feeling punching away at his chest.

"Tony's fine." She spoke up, "he's in the hospital."

 

He widened his eyes. "Tony is alive?"

He sprung up from his seat and ran a hand through his messy locks, "h-how? I heard him...I heard him jump. How?" He asked frantically, his brows furrowed together as he thought about the painful memories.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y sent an emergency alert to the team. Bruce arrived before any of us and caught him whilst he was falling. The towers got a huge hole in one of the windows but we saved Tony." She began, "we bought him to the hospital and we're waiting for him to wake up now." She mumbled quietly. "He blacked out and hasn't woken up since...doctor said it was the stress or something along those lines." She explained quietly.

Steve wiped his eyes.

Tony's alive.

  
He's alright.

  
He's alive.

 

Steve dragged his hand over his face slowly, feeling just how swollen it was.

His mind was still clouded with memories of Tony. The corner of his lips tugged up into a small smile, shaking his head slightly.

He'd spent the last few hours thinking Tony wasn't here anymore, but knowing that he was alive...he wasn't going to let go of him now.

He needed Tony, be needed the idiot in the iron red suit that he had happily fallen in love with.

 

"Natasha, I have to see him. I'm coming. I'm coming to New York as soon as I can."

Romanoff furrowed her brows together as he heard the male. She hadn't expected this, for Steve to know about what had happened. Looking through the door, her gaze fell on Tony who looked peaceful for once. She bit down on her bottom lip, trying to piece all the pieces together.

 

"Steve. How did you know about this?" She asked, her brows creasing together as she awaited his answer.

"What?" He asked, "Tony had called me. I left him the phone...the phone your holding right now. I couldn't leave and have no way of contacting Tony at all, I just needed one to figure out how to work around the problems we are going to face." He mumbled.

"I had to leave him someone to know that he was okay and that he could call me any time he wanted or needed me. I love him, Natasha. You know that."

 

"That's why..." Natasha turned towards Clint, her eyes showing that the call was going well. "Encrypted too, so we won't know where you are." She pursed her lips together. "Steve, what did Tony say to you?"

 

Steve shook his head at the thought of the awful memories that had taken place on a few hours earlier.

He lightly ran his fingers through his hair once again and muttered, "He called me, told me he couldn't handle what had happened. That the fight we had was too much for him and that he felt at fault for it." Steve closed his eyes for a moment, the thought of Tony alone in his lab was haunting him.

He knew how much Stark needed him, he was so caught up with Bucky that he hadn't thought about the devastation he had left behind.

"I didn't think this through, Natasha. I should have known that Tony was so dependent on me." Steve pinched the bridge of his nose lightly as he thought about male. "I'm coming. Just, please keep my updated okay?"

Steve ended the call and let out a small sigh of relief, his head still spinning from the emotional roller coaster he'd endured over the past day.

It felt as though Steve's world really had stopped spinning.

He thought about the times the paid had spent together and how he'd come to realise how hard he really had fallen for Stark.

It could have been their late night conversations over a cup of coffee when they both couldn't sleep or it could have been the awkward inside jokes they cracked in front of the team.

He'd remembered the first time he admitted to himself that he liked Tony.

They were sat on the sofa together watching a re-run of Friends, a show he'd been told to watch by Sharon. Tony had his legs laid out over Steve's lap with Stark clutching a small mug filled with black coffee.

He'd looked away form the screen for just a moment to look at Tony and was then that he'd noticed the small things he'd come to love about the man.

The way his beard and goatee framed his strong jaw line perfectly, the find lined by his mouth and eyes when he laughed and the brown of his eyes that shone more than I think Tony cared to admit.

Being intimate, or 'fondue-ing' with someone was something Steve never really pictured himself doing.

He knew having his own family and children would probably never happen, much less be in a stable relationship with someone who could put up with his old fashioned ways.

He had fought the urge to be with Tony for such a long time, particularly because the time he was from frowned upon openly gay relationships.

He had never thought of being in one much less would have realised he was interested in guys if it hadn't been for Tony.

However, he couldn't help but fight it. He had the pounding in the back of his mind telling him it wasn't right. Steve knew somehow. That he was destined for something different.

  
Not just the super serum but he knew he was different when it came to women. He didn't know how to converse with a woman properly but found it more comfortable to talk to men. Especially, Bucky.

Steve loved Bucky.

Of course he did. Bucky was his best friend and someone from the past that he had to ground him.

Bucky was his true home.

  
Even if Steve didn't want to admit it, he had always admired Bucky more than a best friend should have, maybe even had a crush on the guy. Who knew. He would never know after he'd thought he'd lost his best friend.

Steve never knew he could open up to anyone the way he did with Buck...until Tony.

Bucky was stood by the window, his haze focus on out at the vast jungle that lay ahead of them for hinders of miles.

He admired the greenery for a while longer, letting out a quiet sigh as he turned towards Rodgers.

"Steve." He walked towards his best friend and crouched down by his side. He lightly smiled at the man and nudged his arm slightly.

"Hey, come on. Tony is okay, he's alive and you need to be with him." He looked up at the man, the blue of Steve's eyes looked dull from the crying. "I've never seen you cry this hard." He admitted.

"When I lost you, I was this way...maybe even worse." He admitted.

Bucky pursed his lips together for a while, his eyes scanning the boy’s face.

"Come on, T'Challa has everything ready for you. They're waiting on you." He spoke up, helping the man stand up.

 

"Go."

\----

 

Steve jolted awake as the place had finally made contact on grounds that he knew.

He looked around the aircraft and noticed a few of T'Challa's people that had helped him come over. He lifted his hands to his eyes and rubbed at both of them to try and wake himself up as much as he could.

Steve gazed out of the small window to his left, blinking his eyes a couple of times as he adjusted to the bright light blaring through.

He gazed out at the unfamiliar scenery and turned to the people on the place.

"We had to land where we would not be noticed by many." The women towards his right had spoken up. He simply nodded, not wanting to spoil the silence that filled the aircraft.

Once the plane had come to a complete stop, he stood up and walked towards the exit of the aircraft.

"We have arranged for a car to take you to the hospital, Mr. Rodgers." The male spoke up, gesturing to the black BMW with tinted windows.

Steve nodded and turned to looked at the individuals on the plane, "thank you, all of you." He climbed off the aircraft and walked towards the car.

The car ride was quiet, his mind was clouded with thoughts of Tony, his nerve growing further and further at the thought of seeing him.

He looked up at the buildings and frowned upon seeing the Stark tower in the distance. "I’d never realised just how big it was." He mumbled quietly.

Steve had the black phone tucked in the front pocket of his jeans, his hand resting over it in case Natasha would call to update him on Tony. His other hand crashed the area belt over his chest, sighing quietly.

The nerves were getting the better of him now.

He hadn't seen Tony in a long while and he wasn't sure he was mentally prepared to see Tony so hurt.

One thing he was sure of was that he had to know if Stark was alright with his own eyes. He had to silence the nagging voice in the back of head telling him that everything was his fault.

 

Steve knew he should have done more.

 

He could have done more to save Tony.

 

He could have saved him from everything.

 

-beep beep-

 

Steve furrowed his brows together and quickly reached into his pocket to pull out the black phone out.

 

[SMS: Tony]

'He's awake.'

 

\---

Steve jogged down the long corridor of the hospital, the air thick with the smell of Iodoform (or as Tony would call it, 'the disgusting hospital smell.')

  
He gulped hard as the numbers of the numbers grew closer and closer to the private room Tony was in.

Steve gripped hard onto the bag over his shoulder, his breathing heavy as he searched around for the right room. He felt his palm growing clammy and his chest grew heavier with anticipation on seeing Tony.

 

Finally, Steve found the room he needed. He stopped for a moment outside the room.

 

His breathing was harsh as he gripped onto the door handle.

 

Steve could hear the hushed conversations of his old friends, a smile tugging at one side of his lips.

 

This white door was all that was in between him and Tony.

 

Slowly Steve pushed the door open to reveal his friends scattered around the room, his eyes travelled towards the bed where he saw Tony laying down.

 

"Oh god..." He whispered, his eyes immediately watering from the sight of his lover that way.

 

Tony looked up at the door and widened his eyes, "Steve?" He asked in a hushed tone. He looked around at everyone in the room, wanting an explanation as to how this was happening.

 

Steve shuffled towards the bed and dropped his backpack on the ground, ignoring the others in the room.

 

He blocked them out.

  
All he could see was Tony.

 

His Tony.

 

He stood beside the hospital bed for a moment, his whole body trembling as he lifted his hand slowly to gently touch Tony's hand.

 

Tony flinched slightly, he himself wasn't sure if he was ready to face Steve after what had happened. He felt embarrassed almost, not sure how he should react or what he should say to the man be loved.

 

"Tony..." He whispered. Steve slowly trailed his fingers up Stark's arm, his fingertips reaching the boys cheek.

"I am so sorry..." He spoke softly, a tear rolling down his cheek. He slowly brushed his fingertip along the boy’s bottom lip and closed his eyes for a moment.

He lightly moved his hand and grasped the edge of the bed with both hands. He hung his head slightly and shook his head. "I should have been here..."

Tony felt his eyes watering at the sight, frozen when Steve's thumb swiped along his bottom lip.

 

He gulped slightly and cleared his throat, "Stop. Don't do that..."

**Author's Note:**

> Kudo's, Feedback and Comments are welcome and always, very apprecited! 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the story.
> 
> It's my first time writing so you know, feedback would be good.
> 
> <3


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